Tuesday, November 24, 2009

Mean Muggin' Mondays: "I Walk?! Boy ,I got satisfied..your free to go" :-)

Hello My loves,

First, let me apologize for my tardiness. School is giving it to me hard body!(Wait, that sounds really bad. Oh well...) Well, for today's edition of Mean Muggin' Monday, I want to talk about the infamous WALK OF SHAME.

On any college campus or local area, you probably have seen that girl walking home bowl-legged after a "crazy night." Since my college is not too far from where I live, I usually just take the train or drive home. Through out my WHOLE ENTIRE TIME at my school, I can probably count on my fingers and toes how many girls I see going back to their dorms after a long night of "hooking up" (translation: F#@$#$#G!) To see the girl's doing the duck walk(when they walking as if their feet are deformed) from one side campus to the other is truly hilarious!!! Also, some of these girls, who also are commuters like myself, would ride the train with their hair looking a HOT MESS and wearing smeared make-up and the guy's shirt-on to coverup their vomit-covered clothes, since they were drunk as a skunk .

SMH. Ladies, listen to me and listen to me good, STOP HOOKING UP ON THE MAN'S TERRITORY! I consider the art of "hooking up" to be a sport. There are two players in the game, and one player will have HOME COURT ADVANTAGE(are you seeing where I am going with this...) Ladies, you don't want the man to have home court advantage. If you go to his dorm room or apartment, someone he probably knows will see you and sure enough they will give him a high five for "getting his, son." You don't want that....I'm sorry, but that is not cute.

Another thing that I think is TRULY ANNOYING is that once these girls hook up with the guy and try to talk to him when they see them on the street the next, they act surprised when the guy acts like they are non-existent. ATTENION, DUMB WOMAN, YOU WERE A JUMP-OFF! As my favorite wrestler, The Rock, used to say, "Know your roll and shut your mouth."

When you give the guy the advantage, you have NO right to be crying and wondering why he is not talking to you. I think it is soooooooooo annoying when I am in the library trying to do my work and I see a girl asks her friend, " I don't understand why he doesn't call me...." My dear, he is not going to call you unless he has hennessy in his system and strong boner in his pants.

Now, after seeing this, I have devise the plan I would like to call "Operation: Boy, I own your -ish." Ladies, when you are getting yours, do on your territory. When you do it on your territory, you will have the advantage to kick him out when necessary. Now, when he is on your territory, prior to you starting your "festivities", set your phone alarm to 5 a.m., even if it is the weekend and you have no where to go, set your phone alarm at 5 a.m.

After you do the deed and you are finished with your "session", act like you are going to the bathroom, and STAY THERE. Yes, I mean stay in there. Stay in the bathroom as long as you can; check your blackberry for messages, check your emails, hell clean your ears with a q-tip, stay in there. When the guy notices that your are not immediately running back to the bedroom to him, it will make him wonder and then the "bitchassness" hormone, which is stimulated by insecurities, will set in. After your moment, come back to the room. When he asks (and yes he will ask) "Yo, were you go?", answer with "Oh, I had to do something, good night," and lay down. This throws him off and you earn points in the game.

Now, when laying down DON'T CUDDLE WITH HOMEBOY!!! HE IS A JUMP-OFF!!!! YOU ARE NOT INTERESTED IN MAKNG HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND!!! As a woman, I know that we get emotionally connected very quickly, but if you going to make the choice to have a jump-off, don't treat him as a temporary" boyfriend." Remember his roll and stay there.

The last plan of action is when the phone alarm comes on, wake up and act like you have somewhere to go. Rush him out! Make up any excuse in the book " Oh, my parents are visiting you have to leave now!"or " Oh my God! I have an important meeting, you have to go!" Make up something and don't allow him to properly put on his clothes. The more rugged the better. Rush him out! If he ask for cab fare, don't give it to him, you are done with his services and he should be dismissed. This finalizes the plan of action. So, when your friend sees old boy walking back, you give each other the chest bump, for a job well done.

Now, fellas, please don't take this personal. I am just sick and tired of men being known as the "man" if they get some and the woman is forced to deal with the stares and laughter coming home in last night's clothing. Let's not forget, you too are a jump-off. As you say " Don't hate the player, hate the game."

And, ladies, if you are going to ho yourself, at least have some sense to do it your way.(This is why I like relationships...because I will be DAMNED if you have me walking....homie, get you sh@# and go, you can catch the 7a.m. metro north train :-)

aaahhhhh, I feel better letting that one out...ta ta :-)



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